My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
