we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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