I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found your dick twin last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
