i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
