You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
