phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
