Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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