She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
