my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize