I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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