If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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