I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize