Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
