my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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