I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize