They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
