Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
