We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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