i permit you to call me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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