My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
