I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
