I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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