So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
