We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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