you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
