I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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