It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Send help, water and tortillas.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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