Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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