Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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