There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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