You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
