So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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