i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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