I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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