dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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