I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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