toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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