R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
