got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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