imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
