you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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