Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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