my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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