i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
