it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
