I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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