someone threw a dead crab at me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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