what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
