Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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