He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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