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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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