Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
