turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
