dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
