I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
