then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
