I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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