It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
