A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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