her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
