I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
