Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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