The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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