The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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