hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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