help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night