Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.