Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.