You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
